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IN THE NAME OF GOD MOST GRACIOUS MOST MERCIFUL
"THE STORY OF MY INTELLECTUAL AND SPIRITUAL TRANSFORMATION".Whatever.
My name is Fahad Ali Khan . I was born in Karachi ,Pakistan in 1985 in a middle class ,loving ,Sunni family . They called themselves Sunni . They were mostly unaware of what their scriptures contain . Like most Pakistanis ,they practised "moderate" Islam i.e selective Sunni Islam . I was the eldest grandson of the family , so everyone( my parents,my grand mother ,my
uncles ,aunts etc) loved me very much .
I was taught selective Sunni Islam in school , mostly about Unity of God,"pillars of Islam"(shahaada,salat,fasting,zakat,hajj), prophet Muhammed's lifestyle,his (alleged)sayings,the battles he fought etc . I was also taught to recite the Koran in Arabic .But only in arabic . I still can't understand arabic .
Thanks to God, I had a good childhood . Until I was 12 or 13 years old I was living care free , preoccupied with the worldly life. My main interests were reading comic books and drawing(with pencil) . I was not very religious . I had faith in the existence of God ,but it was blind faith which is very weak . But the problem with me at the time I was around 13 was that " God has blessed upon others many things that He has not blessed upon me" . I was facing some problems at that age , which made me very sad and depressed . I was feeling very unfortunate and hopeless . I would rarely be happy . I would ask the question "why me God?". I was feeling that my prayers to God were "unanswered" . Since I was a bit ignorant and unthankful to God , I had not noticed how much God had provided for me . At that time there were also some questions(now answered[in bold braces]) arising in my mind like :
• How can we be sure of God's existence ?
([2:164] In the creation of the heavens and the earth, the alternation of night and day, the ships that roam the ocean for the benefit of the people, the water that GOD sends down from the sky to revive dead land and to spread in it all kinds of creatures, the manipulation of the winds, and the clouds that are placed between the sky and the earth, there are sufficient proofs for people who understand.)
* If God wants us to beleive in His existence so bad , why does He not show us some sign , some miracle ,like He used to show previous generations?
([40:13] He is the One who continuously shows you His proofs, and sends down to you from the sky provisions. Only those who totally submit will be able to take heed.)
* Why doesn't He answer my prayers and why does He not help me .
([2:186] When My servants ask you about Me, I am always near. I answer their prayers when they pray to Me. The people shall respond to Me and believe in Me, in order to be guided.
[2:216] ...But you may dislike something which is good for you, and you may like something which is bad for you. GOD knows while you do not know.)
* Why is there so much misery and suffering in the world ? Has God created us just to torture us ?
([7:96] Had the people of those communities believed and turned righteous, we would have showered them with blessings from the heaven and the earth. Since they decided to disbelieve, we punished them for what they earned.
[10:44] GOD never wrongs the people; it is the people who wrong their own souls.
[89:16-20] But if He tests him through reduction in provisions, he says, "My Lord is humiliating me!" Wrong! It is you who brought it on yourselves by not regarding the orphan. And not advocating charity towards the poor. And consuming the inheritance of helpless orphans. And loving the money too much.
* Is God so cruel and merciless that He would throw someone in Hell just for not believing in Him?
([10:8] these have incurred Hell as their ultimate abode, as a consequence of their own works.,10:44)
* How can we be sure which religion is the true religion or which book is the book of God ?
I used to do stupid things back then . Since I was not a regular five-times-a-day prayer , I once asked God to solve some problems and in return I would start praying five times a day ! Or that I would give up drawing living things , since it is considered a sin in Sunni Islam . Very childish . (I really like drawing . Good thing my problems were not solved.)
That is when I began to doubt the existence of God . I would think "why doesn't He answer my prayers ? God if You exist , then please answer my prayers ,show me some sign and let me know ." . One night I implored so hard , that i thought that God , if He exists, would definitely answer my prayers and fulfil my wishes overnight . There was " no reply ". And I was frusterated .
[21:37] Man is made of haste. I shall show you My portents, but ask Me not to hasten.
In the days that followed I had become somewhat of a God-hater/atheist . I am not sure which one I was , because I was not sure of God's existence. My stance at that period was " I don't know if God exists or not . Even if He does exist , I hate Him ,and I rebel against Him . He doesn't care about me , I don't care about Him ." My family did not know about my beliefs.
There was so much hatred in my heart against Him that it made me think that even if God had appeared before me then and even if He had thrown me in Hell ,I would not submit to Him . Now I hope God has no such plans for me . I was ,almost all the time , blaming God for everything bad happening to me . I went to the extent of literally stepping over the name of God (on my aunt's locket). May God forgive me .
This hatred ended when I was around 15 , because I figured out that I was hating and blaming someone whose existence I am not even sure about . Thanks to God , I decided that I should be rational ,and I should find the answers to my questions instead of blaming God for everything bad happening .
I turned to God again . I implored God to show me His miracles ,guide me on the right path,on the right religion, help me relieve my sadness and solve my problems ,if He really is the Almighty ,All Powerful ,Most Gracious and Most Merciful ,Creator of all that exist . I promised God that if He shows me His signs and the right path I will willingly accept it . I was asking God for guidance . I was asking God to correct me . God is always near and always listening .
God manifested His miracles for me, real soon . That same year I saw a documentry film "Miracles of The Koran" on TV about the scientific facts mentioned in the Koran 1400 years ago ,but discovered only recently with the help of modern technology ... thus proving Koran's claim of being the word of God . Bullzeye! I was blown away . I was amazed . Then I started searching the internet for more miracles . And I found many more . I thanked God . And I repented to God . Then I was certain that God had answered my prayers and has sent me a message ,the solution to all my problems ,His word , the glorious Koran .
[7:143] ..."Be You glorified. I repent to You, and I am the most convinced believer."
After a while, I bought a CD containing three english translations of the Koran and almost all "authentic" Hadiths(the traditions attributed to prophet Muhammed,peace be upon him) . I had not much knowledge about Hadiths and I had just started reading the Koran properly back then . The Koran was(and always will be) wonderful . Although I was reading the English translation ,and not the original arabic word of God, the message and the sound advice of the Koran itself seemed as if it is coming directly from God . The Koran was giving me the answers to all my questions . I felt as if the Koran was alive . As if it knew all about me and as if it knew what was in my mind .
I then realized that God has created us to worship Him and to test us . God tests us through good and bad . "Help me ,God" then, sounded better to me than "why me,God?".
[3:142] Do you expect to enter Paradise without GOD distinguishing those among you who strive, and without distinguishing those who are steadfast?
I then realized that God had blessed me with many things that He had not blessed others with. I started loving God . I submitted my will to God . All my sadness and worries gradually vanished . Through His message in the Koran ,God re-introduced me to the world and showed me the reality . Then I was expecting from God what I could not have expected before . And I had never been happier .
[10:57] O people, enlightenment has come to you herein from your Lord, and healing for anything that troubles your hearts, and guidance, and mercy for the believers.
[13:28] ...Absolutely, by remembering GOD, the hearts rejoice.
I also started reading the Hadiths in that CD . And the Hadiths shocked me . The Hadiths were violent, sexist, ugly, unscientific , nonsense?crap. The Hadiths made me sick to my stomach . I was about to throw up on my PC. According to the Hadiths prophet Muhammed was a brutal ,sex crazed tyrant who permitted sex with slaves and temporary marriage, stoned people for committing adultery, killed "apostates" . I wondered " was prophet Muhammed like this ?" . Many of the Hadiths I read were in contradiction with the Koran and were very disrespecting to Muhammed ,to his wives , and to God . Thanks to God ,I could not believe in what I was reading .
[17:36] You shall not accept any information, unless you verify it for yourself. I have given you the hearing, the eyesight, and the brain, and you are responsible for using them.
Some days later while searching the internet for "miracles of the Koran" , on a website* I read some verses of the Koran commanding to uphold the Koran alone as a source of religion . I also read on that website how unreliable and corrupted Hadiths are and how vastly these false traditions, compiled 200 years after prophet Muhammed's death, have corrupted the great religion of Islam . I then realized how even the most important "islamic" practices and beliefs were man-made innovations and contradicted the teachings of prophet Muhammed i.e Koran . The "Muslims" had nothing to do with Muhammed's message ,just as "Christians" had nothing to do with Christ's message . They uphold nothing but conjecture . I decided to take the Koran as the source of religion and hence God as my guide .
[6:114] Shall I seek other than GOD as a source of law, when He has revealed to you this book fully detailed?...
I also realized that the people around me,the "Muslims" especially the Sunnis were actually idolizing Muhammed . I could see the deification of prophet Muhammed all around me . On the TV, in "Na'ath"(songs in praise of Muhammed) competitions, in the mosques after every friday prayers ,they would sing his praises but would not mention anything in praise of God . In the month of Ramazan ,Sunni idol worship is at its peak . Just turn on the Pakistani TV channels in Ramazan and see . It appeared to me as if Ramazan, for Sunnis, was about glorifying and exalting Muhammed . One of their urdu na'ath said "Muhammed is not God ,but he is not seperate from God either" .Watching anyone being associated with God in such a manner would make my blood boil .
[26:75-85] He said, "Do you see these idols that you worship. "You and your ancestors. "I am against them, for I am devoted only to the Lord of the universe. "The One who created me, and guided me. "The One who feeds me and waters me. "And when I get sick, He heals me. "The One who puts me to death, then brings me back to life. "The One who hopefully will forgive my sins on the Day of Judgment.
Eager to convey to everyone the message I had recieved , when I was 16 ,I created an MSN website with a forum to spread the word . I used to spend most of my time in debating about Koran , but after some time I got tired ,because some participants would just keep on insisting on their views like they can learn nothing .
[12:108] Say, "This is my path: I invite to GOD, on the basis of a clear proof, and so do those who follow me. GOD be glorified. I am not an idol worshiper."
God showed me the path . And He showed me the proofs . So I gave up the religion of my ancestors ,the Sunni Islam , the corrupted Islam . My new religion" brought conflict among me and my family, but only a little, because I did not tell them all about it . I just didn't have the guts . I was never that bold . Whenever I confronted my family with the message of the Koran , and showed them the verses commanding us to uphold nothing besides the Koran as a source of religion ,I was told that my interpretation of the Koran is very wrong and immature . They told me the Koran is too hard for me to understand especially at such a young age . They said I should read the Koran in Arabic only instead. They told me to stop reading "crap on the internet" or else they would throw out my PC and me too. I told them it wasn't on the internet ,it was in the Koran . When I show them what nonsense their Hadiths books contain , they get a bit angry ,tell me to shut up,saying "The Sahih(authentic) books contain no such hadiths" . I sometimes get into arguments with my father regarding religion ,but they always end fruitless . Maybe its partially my fault, I should be more open about the grave error they are in . May God guide them on the right path .
[17:24] ..."My Lord, have mercy on them, for they have raised me from infancy."
I also tried to preach some sense into some of my close friends . Not much luck . They made fun of me for quite some time . Sometimes they would say "Fahad's gone mad " . They would argue "You are only one man, should we follow you or the scholars?" ,"It is only a phase that he is going through,so don't worry,he will revert to our religion as he matures". I hope not . If I told them about the message of the Koran , they would laugh ,although God does not reveal(in the Koran) to have any sense of humor at all . Some of them said that "true" muslims should not question their religion . One of my friends was advising another not to talk with me on such topic or else I would "misguide" them .
[23:25] "He is simply a man gone crazy. Just ignore him for awhile."
[23:34] "If you obey a human being like you, then you are really losers.
[23:38] "He is just a man who fabricated lies and attributed them to GOD. We will never believe him."
They insist I should go consult some "islamic(hanafi sunni)" scholar to study the Koran , because "they possess much more knowledge than you do and they can inform you better" . But ,what most "scholars" actually possess is miss-information . The Teacher of the Koran had taught me ,"[35:14] ...None can inform you like the Most Cognizant." I still love my family and my friends .May God guide them on the right path .
My expectation of the future is that Â… well . Well , I hope we can create a communites of open minded muslims who "listen to all advices, then follow the best one" in my country . I hope we can spread the word of God well enough for His religion to prevail .
I also plan to translate the Koran into urdu ,once I have learnt Arabic well . I want to provide my urdu-speaking family , relatives,friends and loved ones with a straightforward translation of the Koran .
All thanks to God for showing me the right path .
[4:113] If it were not for GOD's grace towards you, and His mercy, some of them would have misled you. They only mislead themselves, and they can never harm you in the least. GOD has sent down to you the scripture and wisdom, and He has taught you what you never knew. Indeed, GOD's blessings upon you have been great.
Indeed .
(By the way ,I also used to be an idol worshipper .But my idol was not Muhammed or Jesus .It was the pop king Michael Jackson . I still like his music , but he is not on my mind the whole time anymore .)
So in the end ,questioning your religion does pay off big time .
thank you very much for your time .
(special thanks to Khizar for editing this post.) [/b]
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